I have never felt comfortable having a mentor. As far as I can recall, I tried my best to stay away from the concept of mentorship. Sure, at times I had no choice but to be part of the mentorship program during my school, college, or even my working days, but I never truly connected with my mentor/mentee during those programs. I did what was necessary, such as the initial meet and greet, maybe 1 or 2 follow-ups, then that was it. Deep down, I have always felt that the mentorship program wouldn’t benefit me (either as a mentor or a mentee), so I didn’t invest too much into the program itself.
In this article, I would like to share my experience as I was introduced to another mentorship program in the TMIKL Toastmasters Club.
Toastmasters Mentoring Programme
When I first decided to enroll as a member of TMIKL Toastmasters, I received a call from Albert Khor (one of the core members of the club). Guess what we talked about? Mentorship program. Immediately my personal feelings about mentorship crept up upon me, warning me to stay away from the topic. However, as I listened to him explain how the mentorship program works in the club, the feeling of reluctance started to change to curiosity.
Apparently, the mentorship program is a very integral part of the club. Every club member is assigned to a mentor and there’s even a mentoring chair that provides guidance to the club mentors so that he/she is able to properly guide their mentees. I did mention to him that the reason I rejoined Toastmasters was to improve my leadership skills, to which he mentioned that he would be able to provide me with some guidance around Toastmasters’ leadership track, which I really appreciated. However, he couldn’t put himself as my mentor as he already has a few mentees under his belt and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if he spread himself too thin.
At this point, I felt that the mentors within this club truly took their role seriously which had me intrigued. So, after further discussion with Albert, we decided to approach Jin to be my mentor. I had only seen her once before, and I had not spoken to her then, so I didn’t know what sort of person she is and how our relationship would be as a mentor-mentee. I could only secretly hope that it wouldn’t end up the same as all my previous experiences.
My Mentor, Jin
I would describe my mentor (Jin) as a person who is bubbly, fun, spontaneous, competitive (especially in the mini-games that we play before each Toastmasters meeting), and surprisingly well-versed in the English language. Did I mention that I have an introverted personality? Although I can talk to strangers in new environments, I tend to keep others at a distance, rarely moving past the acquaintance stage. After a couple of interactions with her, I feel that I can trust her, and I’m beginning to open up to this whole concept of mentoring because of that.
Why did I have a sudden change in perception? Well to clarify, it wasn’t sudden. The change in perception took place over the many months that I’ve been in the club. However, there are 3 main reasons that compelled me to have a little faith in the mentoring system (See how I phrase it in a way that there’s still a doubt? It’s a process I guess):
Reason 01: Going Above & Beyond
Every now & then, I’ll have to prepare speeches for my presentation as part of the Toastmasters pathway projects. I’m the type who drafts out the entire speech in a document, then I’ll have to practice dozens of times while refining the speech before I am eventually prepared to present in front of an audience.
In preparation for my first speech in TMIKL, I drafted a one and the half page essay. Jin offered to look through my speech draft and provide feedback. At this point in time, it was still one of my first few interactions with her, I thought she was only doing this because it was her responsibility as a mentor. So, I assumed that she would scan through my draft, maybe provide 1 or 2 comments and call it a day.
To my utter surprise, when she returned the document, it was filled with comments from better sentence structures to personal thoughts on how she would deliver certain points in the speech. I was blown away by her dedication and the sheer amount of work she must have put in to review my speech draft.
I immediately went through her feedback and made the necessary amendments to my speech (which by the way sounded a lot better now). Adding to my surprise, she went through my entire draft once again, to see if there are any other points that could be improved before my upcoming speech.
The act of reviewing someone else’s speech is not difficult, but the amount of sincerity that she has put in while reviewing my speech has shown me the importance of having someone to guide us (a mentor). She has gone on to review other speeches I prepared and tried her best to be present whenever I did my speeches. That simple act has started to open my mind to the concept of mentorship.
Reason 02: Being Vulnerable
A couple of weeks ago, Jin set up a call with me as a mentor to find out how everything’s been going in Toastmasters. I wasn’t expecting much at first, probably just a short call to update my current status. So, we got onto the call, started off with a little small talk, and then she started to check up on me to see if I was struggling with anything in particular.
Jin knew that I wanted to learn more about leadership, and she had been one of the club excos this term which I personally felt performed extraordinarily well. So I decided to probe her about her experience in the club as a mentor and any leadership advice that she has stumbled upon along the way.
She began to share her experience working with other club excos, how they worked together, and what she felt was important as a mentor. One takeaway from our conversation was to not micro-manage. I have always known that micro-managing others is bad in theory. However, when I thought back on my actions, I may have unconsciously micro-managed my team members, especially when I didn’t trust that they could complete the task in a satisfactory manner.
Another point that I took away from our conversation was the importance of regular communication. This was the moment I realized why all my past mentoring experience fell flat onto the ground. Regular communication is such a simple concept, it’s a wonder how it eluded me all this time. Without regular communication, I would never be able to build the bond that a mentor and mentee need. Without it, we cannot build the trust required for growth to happen.
Lastly, she mentioned that it’s important to be vulnerable as a mentor which was a very foreign concept to me. I always thought leaders had to know everything, so we should show strength rather than weakness. She went on to share that we’re all human, each with our own strengths and weaknesses. We can try our best to help, but sometimes we may not be able to. In those times, it’s okay to be truthful about it and seek help from others who excel in those areas.
In one single conversation, I was able to learn 3 shortcomings that I’ve had all my life which had prevented me from making full use of the mentoring program. I guess it will really be a long journey ahead for me to be a leader that I can be proud of, but I’m thankful that I now know where I can start improving.
Reason 03: A Little Push Goes A Long Way
I have been stuck on this project for a couple of months now. I’m supposed to write 8 blogs on a certain topic so that I can present what I learned in my upcoming speech at Toastmasters. I had a few ideas on what to write about, and I did start writing 1 or 2 blog posts, but eventually, the task seemed too difficult and I began procrastinating.
I did mention this to Jin in our discussion a couple of weeks ago. She listened to my plans for writing the 8 blog posts by next month (so around 1-2 each week) and suggested that she would ping me every couple of weeks to see where I’m at.
Now, I know it’s not a big deal. It’s just an agreement to send me a text every couple of weeks. But hey, if you are reading this article, then it must have worked! I guess a little push really does help me push myself forward.
Summary
It’s only been half a year since I enrolled in the mentorship program here at TMIKL Toastmasters Club. If I’m being honest, it’s been a very positive experience. I wish to continue on my journey under the guidance of my mentor (Jin) in hopes that one day I truly believe in the benefits of mentorship and know how it can help everyone in their own personal journey in life.
That’s it for now, ciao!